I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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