We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
