Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
