Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
