i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Randomize
