believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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