Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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