I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
