At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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