Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
