He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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