Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
