What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
