I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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