the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
