what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
