Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
