Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
