There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
