It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
