I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
