once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
