dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
