shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
