My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
