bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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