I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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