Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
