i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
