You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
