so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
