Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
