where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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