I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
