She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
