guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
