i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
