Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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