Taylor Swift is so right about you.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
