His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
