Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
