May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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