do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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