loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just found a bag of teeth...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
