is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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