I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
