what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
