I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
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Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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