you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
