no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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