Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
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