I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
