my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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