So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
