Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
