bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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