I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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