at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
