Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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