i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
