Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
