so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Be still, my beating vagina.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
