can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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