Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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