My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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